Walking with someone

(This post originally appeared in the September 2016 edition of our church magazine "The Grapevine")

Going for a walk together is a great way to get to know someone or re-kindle a friendship that has maybe fallen off the radar a little. You get to chat, listen, laugh and enjoy the views together. You have a shared goal of reaching the summit of the mountain or the café at the end of the road!

Recently a man named Glenn started attending our church. Many of you may have met him after the service. Glenn is an alcoholic. His life has been full of disappointment and heartache. He has no contact with his family, relationships have ended and he has no job and no money. Some of that has contributed to him drinking too much, and some of it has been a result of his drinking too much. He was also a young Christian.

Glenn has now gone to a Christian residential rehab center with the aim of being free from his addiction and, maybe, in the long run helping others in a similar position to him.

On the outside he looked very different from most other people in our church, but isn’t a church supposed to be a place for all different types of people? His life is a mess, but God is working. And this leads me to ask the question;

How do you walk alongside someone who’s life is very different to yours?

What do you say when their problems are something you have never faced or the bible is ‘grey’ on?

How do you help them apply the bible to their lives and what will it look like?

I am sure that Glenn will be the first of many people we will meet as a church who have very complicated and messy lives, and I am by no means an expert on dealing with the issues he faced but hopefully the following 3 things will be helpful for all of us as we, God willing, walk alongside more people like Glenn;

1.    The best things the church can provide for anyone, and especially people like Glenn, is the gospel. Hospitals provide the best medical care. Rehab centers give the best environment to help break an addiction. The council is the best person to sort out housing. The church is the best place to provide the gospel. We shouldn’t feel bad about referring people to someone more qualified or specifically trained. If hospitals started trying to re-house people and we started handing out medicine, the people coming to us would be in more of a mess than they started! The best thing we can give is Jesus, other practical things come after.

2.    It’s a family walk, not a solo hike. The amount of time, energy and spiritual input people in Glenn’s situation need is more than 1 or 2 people can give. Thankfully, God has given each of us the knowledge of the gospel of Christ and so we can all have a role to play. Listening to hurts, providing lifts to and from appointments, giving meals and reading the bible – all things that just one person needs but that we all, as a church can provide. All of us can walk alongside the ‘Glenns’ that come through out door, not just 1 or 2 chosen people.

3.    It’s a long walk (so get some comfy shoes!) Change takes time. I wonder if most of us would even think an alcoholic could be a Christian? Perhaps we’re more used to discipling people whose lives look like ours, but when a person’s life looks a mess on the outside, and they then come to faith, we can’t expect everything to change in an instant (barring a miraculous intervention from God). It might be that, in this life, they never fully overcome their struggles. What we have to understand is that we’re with them for the whole walk, and that it’s God that changes people not us! If they are changing – however slowly – to be more like Christ (and not just more like us!) then we can know that God is at work.

We need to be praying for those like Glenn who haven’t walked through our door yet.

We need to be praying that as we meet more people like Glenn we are prepared to carry the burden as a church family.

We need to be prepared to have our ideas about what a Christian looks like challenged and changed.

We need to be prepared for the long haul and for disappointments as people become Christians but struggle to break free from their way of life.

…And we need to keep praying for Glenn.

“and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.” Ephesians 6:15

Family

(This originally appeared in the July edition of the Grapevine. The Grapevine is the monthly magazine of Hardwick Baptist Church, Stockton-on-Tees)

I’ve had the pleasure of spending a good amount of time with my family recently.

At the end of May, Nancy and I and the kids went away to Scotland with our extended family and a few friends. Over 30 of us, including 10 under 7s, took over a manor house and converted stables just south of Perth.

I have always loved being part of a big family. My cousins have been like brothers and sisters to me as I’ve grown up and now it’s lovely that the next generation get time to play together as well.

The advantages of being part of such a big family, who get on with one another, massively outweigh the disadvantages, even for those who are less extroverted than me.

The hardest downside is that there are more people to lose.

Recently my Auntie Kath went to be with her Lord and Saviour Jesus. She was 58 and she died of cancer. She is in a better place and that brings me, and the rest of our family, great comfort.

But, the realization that this is only the beginning of the goodbyes we will have to say, is hard fact to face. As one family member said to me at the funeral, “I’m not ready to lose anyone else.”

Our family holiday was bittersweet because that my Auntie would have loved it but she wasn’t there. At the same time as missing her, having so many of us there meant we were able to encourage, care for and support one another well.

It was also a privilege to be able to speak at the Calvary Christian Fellowship weekend away in the middle of June (that’s the church I grew up in).

We spent the weekend thinking about the topic of suffering which was hard but very relevant to many there.

Again, I saw many of my family members there and it was good to be able to do that.

All of this got me thinking; you may not come from a big family or whatever size you family is, you may not get on well with them, maybe there are personality clashes that flare up if you spend too much time together, but, for the Christian, church is a our family.

The Bible is quite clear that church is family (Matt 12:49-50, Eph 2:19, 1 Tim 5:1-2). We are all brothers and sisters in the Lord Jesus. We are each united to Him and, as such, connected to one another in the most wonderful way.

So, our spiritual family is massive. It means that there are more people to say goodbye to, but each of those goodbyes is shot through with the cure and certain hope that we will meet again.

Not only that, but this massive family is blessing from God. In the New Testament we are constantly being told to _____ one another. (John 13:34, Rom 12:10,16, Col 3:13, Heb 3:13, 1 Pet 1:22.) Whether it’s “forgive”, “love”, “encourage”, the point is that there is an other, we are together. Life is not a lonely slog up a mountain, it’s a corporate race that we run side-by-side with others.

Do you see church as your family? If not, why not? If you do, how can you make sure that you live that out in practice?

We share the most amazing things as brothers and sisters in Christ. Because Jesus died for us, His Father is our Father, His Spirit lives in us (Rom 8:9-11), His righteousness is credited to us (2 Cor 5:21) and so on.

You might not feel like committing to church. Maybe you don’t want to get too close to people. Maybe you don’t want to risk relationships for fear of being let down. Maybe you are scared of sacrifice.

But, believe me, it’s worth it.

Tradition and Change

(This first appeared as an article in our church magazine, "The Grapevine)

Since Nancy and I got married we have gone to my in-laws the weekend before Christmas for what we call ‘little Christmas’. Nancy’s parents said it would give us the chance to all get together without us having to plan to all be in the same place at Christmas or New Year. Nancy’s two brothers both have partners so there are multiple family commitments to juggle. It is now a lovely family tradition.

Last year was the first year at Nancy’s Mam and Dad’s new house. On little Christmas morning, Nancy was horrified to be told that there was no duck with morello cherry sauce for dinner! (This had been the mainstay of ‘proper’ Christmas day dinner in the Howell household for as long as could be remembered). A major tradition had changed! There was outrage! It’s a wonder Nancy didn’t have a heart attack.

All joking aside we had a great couple of days together despite Duck-gate and the point is that traditions are precious to us and for good reason. They bring enjoyment, a sense of belonging, organization where there might otherwise be chaos and so on.

But, the question we must ask ourselves is, are we in danger of allowing traditions to get in the way of positive and necessary change?

Some people just like change because it’s all shiny and new. Change for the sake of it is pointless, especially if the thing you’re changing is working perfectly well. On the other hand change that will make something better or replace something that is no longer fit for purpose is a good thing, no matter how long it has been a part of our lives or our church structure.

Often when a new pastor arrives in a church people expect change. A new person often has new ideas or preferred ways or working.

So far, nothing has been radically overhauled, and for good reason, nothing really needs a radical overhaul.

For example, I’d never seen or experienced anything like Discovery for Boys and Girls Adventurers. They are an unknown to me. I could have been looking for a way to make them into something I was much more familiar with.

But, each group is thriving numerically and we are pretty much at capacity in each one. To have almost 80 kids through the door each week is wonderful. It is a huge testimony to God’s goodness and grace, something we should be constantly thankful for.

As I mentioned in a sermon recently, we need to always be auditing what we do, seeking to tweak it make it as effective, efficient and excellent as we can. This is why we have suggested a major change to the midweek meetings from its current format to a home group set up. Not because the current Wednesday fellowship does not work at all, but because we think it could be better.

For some, home groups hold negative experiences. For others, it is an entirely new concept, so it is unknown and therefore a bit scary.

The reason we think they are the best way forward is because church members have expressed three desires for the midweek meeting, as well as the men’s and ladies’ prayer meetings.

Some people want lots of prayer, some want a longer Bible study and discussion, others want deep shared fellowship and support. These are exactly the things that home groups provide when they planned and lead well.

At New Year some people make resolutions, personally I don’t usually bother because they are out of the window within a week. Making them for the sake of it, without the heart to see them through, is no use.

It would be the same if we start home groups but give up on them after a couple of attempts. We need to go into them with an open mind, we need to commit to them and contribute to them. That way they will be the best they can be, a thriving, beating heart in the life of the church. They will be a place to:

·      Learn more of God, grow in love for Him and apply the truth of His word to our lives.

·      Pray more, not only for ourselves but the world around.

·      Develop deeper friendships where we can care for one another really well.

If after 6 months or a year they flat-line then we can hold our hands up and say we tried but it didn’t work and go back to the drawing board.

Traditions are wonderful, but change is sometimes better.

From Donny with Love - September 2013

Here's the prayer update for the Oliver Family.

A lot has happened since the last update in March, not least the birth of Charis, and most of it is crammed into this edition of the prayer letter. Thank you to those who pray and partner with us. God continues to be very good to us.

You can read it here.

Belated Update

Here is our latest family prayer update - From Donny With Love March 2013.

For those of you who have been praying for us we are hugely thankful for your partnership in the gospel.
For those who are just randomly interested in what we are up to we hope it proves useful and informative.

In it you'll find a little about my work for Grace Church, Nancy's joys and challenges as a full time Mam and a little about Annie and her exploits.

You will have to request to view it, but I will endeavour to give you access as quite as possible.

Enjoy.

What are the priorities for a pastor? (Part 1)

(N.B. This is the original version, I have since thought a little more about the section on prayer and what this might look like in practice. Also I have not included the Appendices, sorry!)

In the church today it seems a pastor is required to be a preacher, a trainer, an evangelist, a youth worker, an administrator, a life coach, an entrepreneur and a businessman; have an open office door, be financially savvy, visit the flock and numerous other things. There seems to be enough to fill the week 4 times over at least. Not only that, but it is highly unlikely that many, or any people, are gifted in all of these ways!

What I have in mind as I write this essay is the average UK church with one full-time paid minister. When there are more staff members I envisage that extra jobs, that were not possible with just the pastor, would be taken up and other jobs would be expanded. But, I also think that the lead pastor in a larger team should be much like the lone pastor in priorities.

So, what are the biblical priorities for a lone pastor with a team of elders around him?

The most common answers I found as I searched the internet for blog posts and articles, as well as canvassing friends on twitter, were mainly along the lines of preaching, prayer, guarding the truth, vision, shepherding the flock, loving people, and administering the sacraments. The answers were very similar, although what each one meant to the people who responded would probably vary, maybe even quite significantly. But, I also had more generic categories such as: Jesus, their family and the church.

The job description in Appendix A is very broad, it includes strategic thinking, preaching, developing leaders, leading the elders, keeping the church on mission, carrying out church discipline, to name but a few.

So where do these ideas come from, just what people see happening, or what they see and think should be happening instead, or from the Bible, or a bit of each of those?

I want to look at some of the key passages in scripture which speak of pastors and their role and as we do that draw in other verses to back them up.

Hopefully as this happens we will be able to build a good picture of what the average pastor should be doing.

Then, after that is established, I will aim to break that down into an average week looking at how many hours each area of the role should take. Again this will vary and isn’t meant to be perfect, but just an overall guideline.

Preaching/Teaching

One of the things those gifted in the church are gifted for is “to equip His people for works of service…” (Eph 4:12a). A pastors role must at least partly be to bring this about. With that in mind, here we go.

In Scripture it is undeniable that preaching and teaching the word of God is one of the primary duties of a pastor (Acts 6:2, 1 Tim 4:13, 2 Tim 1:13-14, 2:2, 4:2). The preaching of the gospel and the application of it to the lives of those listening will not just involve boldly declaring good news, but also teaching in a way which means people can refute false teaching and avoid it like the plague. So, the idea of guarding the truth also comes into this, faithfully standing firm upon, and passing on, the authentic gospel. In Paul’s first letter to Timothy he makes it very clear that Timothy is to warn people about what is false, expose the lies, and show how destructive it can be to follow them (1 Tim 4:1-6).

The context of 1 Timothy is especially key as Timothy was sent by Paul, the founder of the Ephesian church, to carry out the job of pastoring the church and appointing elders in his absence. The whole letter contains priorities for Timothy, some of which are specific to Ephesus, but also many which are for general application.

Titus is also exhorted by Paul to teach, and in chapter 2:1-5 specific groups of people are mentioned. This must mean applying scripture specifically as it is preached, but it also must include personal conversations or visits, which we will come onto later.

Not only are these very personal letters of the apostle Paul to young pastors extremely clear on of the importance of preaching but, if we look at Acts 6:2-4, it seems preaching is one of the highest priorities for the Twelve too. As the needs of people increase, and the church seeks to reach out, others are appointed to oversee those tasks so that the Twelve can focus on preaching and prayer.

Another way the priority of preaching is seen is purely in the lives of Paul, Peter and the other pioneers. They always preached the gospel. Paul preached Christ and Him crucified. Throughout the book of Acts leaders of the mission trips or fledgling churches spoke the truth, preached it far and wide.

I think particularly in small churches the preaching done in main gathering(s) of the congregation has to be the major priority as it could be the only, but will most certainly be the main, source of input into the lives of the church members at large. As church grows there may be home groups and other smaller gatherings, which the pastor leads, but the central gathering must be his priority. In larger churches this still needs to be the priority, but there will be less pressure for the pastor to be leading home groups and other areas of ministry if other leaders have been trained to do so. His focus beyond preaching will be in training them and encouraging them and identifying new leaders (see below).

Prayer

As we have already looked at Acts 6:2-4 we need to add prayer to our list of pastoral priorities. The Twelve are very clear that they need to be devoted to the word of God and prayer. It seems strange that something all Christians are exhorted to do (Eph 6:18-20, 1 Thess 5:17) could be something that a pastor is specifically to do as part of his paid working time. But, I think it must be the case. Pastors are to look after their flock (1 Peter 5:2) along with the elders, and upholding them before the Lord in prayer is one of the best ways to do that. To be devoted to prayer shows humility and reliance upon the grace of God in life, and the Spirit of God to reveal the truth of the word in preaching. I don’t think it means that the pastor needs to be locked away in his study for hours on end just praying on his own. I think the devotion to prayer spoken of in Acts 6 would include praying with other leaders, praying before and during sermon prep praying as he meets with church members and so on. Jesus prays regularly throughout the gospels, the Apostles pray at various times in the book of Acts, and within Paul’s letters there are numerous prayers recorded. Prayer must be a priority.

(Part 2 to come.....)

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you........

Following my post on my final working day with UCCF I thought I'd post, on my final day of official employment with UCCF, a list of thank yous!

Thank you Jo McKenzie, Peter Dray and Hamish Sneddon (and even for a couple of months Tim Rudge) for being fantastic supervisors; wise, caring, generous, challenging and encouraging, much like Paul was to Timothy. God has gifted you to lead and teach and train, use those gifts for His glory.

Thank you Mark Stone, Matt Graham, Tim Dennis, Lewis Green, Tom Thrower, Lensa Woodcock, Simon Oatridge, Ellie Cook and Paul Oatridge. You guys were a pleasure to work with, your support and banter was amazing. I may never work with a more godly or joyful group of people. May you continue to grow in love for the Lord.

Thank you James Adair, Emily Bacon, Joel Forster, James Meredith, Edwina Thorley, Chris Simons and last but not least, Emma Best. My wonderful Relay workers who have taught me more than I taught them. Stay strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.

Thank you Queen's Campus, Sunderland and Teesside CUs for many memories, comedy stories, seemingly hopeless situations and faithfulness to Jesus despite varying trials. May you keep holding out the word of truth in love to the students on your campuses.

I could try and name every student I've worked with, but, although my memory is good, it's not that good! You know who you are - Thank you!!!

Thank you Forum conferences, CU Leaders' Training Weekends, Houseparties, Staff Conferences and Summer Schools for great teaching, deepening relationships, new friends and plentiful banter.

Thank you to the various Summer Team co-leaders, members and hosting brothers and sisters in Christ. You are all part of some of the most incredible experiences in my life.

Thank you to all my prayer and financial supporters. Your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now is a rich blessing from God, for which I am sincerely grateful.

Most of all, thank you to the One True Living God; Father, Son and Holy Spirit, for all of the above and much more beyond.

Father, please continue to bless all those associated with UCCF and their work with the students of the UK. Please keep them loving Jesus. Please continue to make them more Christ-like by the Spirit and help them to remain generous. Please use UCCF for your glory and the furthering of your Kindgom. In Jesus' sweet and strong name, Amen!

Final Edition

Here is the final edition of Northern Letters, the prayer letter I have written for the past five years while working for UCCF:thechristianunions. For those of you who have read it and prayed for me initially, and then also my family as time has gone by, thank you, but not goodbye as the picture suggests. I will keep blogging here, my wife will keep blogging at thissideofthewardrobe and I am sure we will be posting family news and prayer letters as we settle into Doncaster and all that the Lord has in store for us there.

Northern Letters - July/August 2012

Early Fatherhood Lessons

Here are 10 things I've learnt about being a Dad in the first 10 days of my daughter's life:


1. The eat, sleep, poo/wee cycle is unstoppable!

2. Although that might make life sound predictable or monotonous, it is far from it! Baby = unpredictability.

3. Don't think you can survive without napping once a day while she is asleep.

4. Be faster at swapping dirty nappy out and replacing with clean nappy. Quick is not good enough, only lightning fast will suffice or chaos will ensue!

5. There is a fiercely protective streak which kicks in automatically.

6. No matter how many times I look at her, she will always be cute and I'll never get sick of saying so.

7. I really can jump into action at 3am and be alert.

8. Hand-washing at least 15 times a day is normal.

9. How helpless I am without God; I might think I control my life at times, but I am utterly out of control when it comes to my daughter.

10. If I care for and love my daughter this much, how much more does God our Father care for and love His children.


Suffice to say it's a learning curve, but a wonderful privilege having a daughter.

Our Beautiful Daughter

I am now the very proud Father of Anastasia Ruth Oliver, born 4th December 2011.
My wife and I think she is gorgeous, hope you agree!

Here are a few photos:

Apparently she looks just like I did as a baby in this one! Poor bairn.

Finally, sleep time!!!

I've taken loads more photographs already!!!

In summary: A very doting Dad!

Train up a Child - Family Devotion

A few weeks ago my wife and I went around to have dinner with a family from church. They have 4 kids aged between 2 and 8.
We all sat down and ate food together, which was lovely, and then headed into the living room.
We chatted about various things while the kids played and showed us as many of their toys and books as they could.

Then as it approached the time for the youngest to go to bed we were asked if we would like to take part in family devotion time.
We were all given a Bible and took turns at reading a verse each from a Psalm. The dad of the family then led us in prayer and anyone else who wanted to pray followed on from that.

A couple of things struck me and I thought I'd share them:

1. The importance of the word of God in the life of a Christian family was clear, just because visitors were present that didn't change the fact that this was something important to be done as a family.

2. Children can sit and read and listen and take part in something so simple, yet so profound.

It was a great privilege to witness and take part in. It was an example of Proverbs 22v6 in action. I have much to think through about how best to go about family Bible time and other related parenting things but I hope and pray that Nancy and I will be good parents to our soon to arrive bundle of joy and any more the Lord chooses to bless us with.